All I want for Christmas

All I want for Christmas

Recently I was out shopping with the children and on the radio a familiar song filled my ears, ‘I want a Hippopotamus for Christmas’; I have not heard this song for such a long time but as I used to sing it often to the children, I eerily know it word for word! It got me thinking, not about hippos, but it may as well be because it’s a big and ugly; it got me thinking about Endometriosis.

All I want is, rather naively and unrealistically, a cure! Not even Gerard Butler doing a Lady Godiva on a golden unicorn could compete with my desperate desire for a cure, a fix, a release from the turmoil inside my body, specifically my pelvis. Christmas is a time for joy and festivities, and as a mum I take this serious, I MUST be festive and joyous for my children, I'm a role model and it’s my ultimate responsibility. The children are too young to be burdened by the emotional and physical realities of chronic pain, illness, and how Christmas is overwhelmingly exhausting.

Once upon a time I lived for the works Christmas party, drinking and dancing and generally running amok wearing a Little Black Dress, Sparkly heels and a pair of antlers; It wasn't a good night if I was home before sunrise. However, now, things couldn't be different, gone are the LBD and heels (still got the antlers) and in its place are thermal slippers and a big hamster onesie!

 There is no going out as I'm too exhausted, no dancing, no alcohol due to my medication and the fact it makes me vomit bile(which isn't attractive), and late nights are simply out of the question; in fact the thought of a night out fills me with dread not excitement. This is what pain, fatigue and exhaustion does; it limits your ability to enjoy an active social life, instead your body aches for comfort and rest; and after a while so does your mind.

Christmas is a time to take stock of life, enjoyment and sadness are amplified as ‘the day’ looms. So much to do can be overwhelming especially when chronic illness cares nothing about the ‘season to be jolly’; more like ‘the reason to be Trama-dolly’. 

Cards, presents, wrapping, shopping, decorations and visits; so much to do and when you’re fighting fatigue and pain it can feel like a mountain to climb. The unexpected hero of the hour has been internet shopping, which is nothing short of a miracle. Place an order 7pm and its delivered 7am the very next day, not only does this seem like witchcraft, it also makes present shopping about as physically demanding as picking your nose; and even better with ‘Give as you Live’ , every purchase earns Endometriosis UK valuable funds to boot!

There is another silver lining to the Christmas cloud, and that is time off; much needed rest which is a gift in itself. Having the opportunity to spend a couple of days doing very little, watching TV, huddled under a comfy blanket dressed as a small furry rodent, basking in the warm glow of the Christmas tree; there is something distinctly medicinal about the spirit of Christmas. Everyone can find something to feel grateful about, be it spending time with family and friends, giving and sharing, receiving and being spoiled, indulging and relaxing, good food or the sheer relief that you made it through, despite Endometriosis, you climbed that mountain!

I have come to terms with the realisation that there is more chance of me waking up on Christmas morning and finding a giant hippo stuffed in my stocking, than my consultant giving me a phone call with the elusive cure that we all so dream of. So instead of wishing for the unattainable, I'm going to seize the opportunity to rest and relax, to take my foot off the pedal and be kinder to myself, as giving yourself time to heal is the most important gift of all.

Merry Christmas x